Check In & Chat – Icepocalypse, New Diagnoses, & A Path Forward

I’ve been wanting to start doing little check in posts for a bit now, but I’ve been held back for many reasons of my own making.

I wanted to do them on a schedule which just created stress about not being able to exactly stick to it. I’ve also worried that since most of my posts are bookish related so people may not enjoy them.

I’ve come around though to remembering why I started this blog, as something fun, a creative outlet, and a form of self care.

So if you want to skip these I understand, but for any who are interested, read on for a little peak in my life.

I feel it’s safe to say 2020 was a hellish fucking nightmare of chaos, to put it to politely. And honestly 2021 is putting in some strong “hold my beer” energy. My mental health state is precarious at best in a normal year, so year haven’t been doing great. I have had some good points though, and I’ve been trying my hardest to savor those rather than let the bad time consume me. Last year I finally found a therapist I really like, and that’s been so wonderful especially once my Mamaw passed away over the summer. It’s been a rough ride but it could have been worse.

My job has been one of the biggest source of stress and anxiety up until last week. Funny timing that would happen the week of this nightmare winter storm. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned that I live in Austin Texas, and my siblings and parents also live in Texas. These winter storms were bad, my partner and I were very lucky in that our power only went out intermittently, we did however have no running water from Feb 17 to Feb 20th. My sister and parents had no power from about 2am Monday the 15th until that Saturday the 20th. I had to make the decision to go out because we ran out of food Monday (some stuff we thought we had we discovered had gone bad). Waiting 3 hours outside to get into a basically empty grocery store was a really surreal experience. We were under a boil water notice from Saturday to today.

My biggest savior during all this was that I had a doctors appointment on the 10th. My meds were changed and I’ve got a new diagnosis. I honestly don’t know how I would have handled this past week if that change hadn’t happened. As of now instead of major depressive disorder and anxiety I’m being treated for bipolar and that I seem to be having mixed episodes. I was given something to get me out of the current mixed/mania episode, and I was amazed at how well and quickly it worked. I’m supposed to stay on it for another 6 days as of writing this, then I will be starting a long-term medication to take on the daily. I’m really hoping this is a step in the right direction. So far so good. I’ll likely be sharing more about my journey, who know maybe I’ll get lucky and it will helpful to someone else.

I’m hoping too that I can get get back into a regular spiritual practice. I do little things most days. Things like grounding, silent prayers to the ancestors, shielding when needed, and general mindfulness. Maybe as I’m feeling more and more stable I will be able to do more things like that.

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